Almost Over!

    First I need to apologize for the time it has taken me to post, as I am sure there have been some waiting for an update on what has been going on. These last few weeks have been hard ones. Eric's body has become weaker and weaker with every round of chemo. This last week with the fourth of July holiday, they gave Eric his five days of chemo within four days. He was immediately wiped out, each day the side effects just worsened. He has spent the weekend in bed, sick. He is so worn out from this, and it takes everything within him just to get up out of bed. He was actually feeling somewhat better this morning and was able to get up out of bed for a little while, but that only lasted for an hour and he was back to bed. The sores in his throat have gotten worse with this round of chemo, and he is just sick to his stomach all of the time. The doctor tried giving him a patch for his nausea, but it hasn't seemed to help much. He explained to me today that his entire body just feels like it is weighing him down, that all of his organs and everything combined just feels sluggish and heavy. He has a hard time sleeping during the day because all of the medication keeps his mind wired, so he just lays in bed with his eyes shut totally exhausted. I can't imagine feeling as sick as he does that it seems too much to even lay with your eyes open. I just keep trying to remind him that the worst is over, and now it is time to regain his strength and start feeling better. One of the hardest things through all of this has been the process of getting knocked down, finally regaining his strength and starting to feel okay, and then submitting yourself to do it over and over again. I am just glad to finally be able to be telling him that it's not going to happen again, he has made it to the end of this dreaded chemo!
   Last week the doctor wanted Eric to get a pulmonary function test to see how his lung capacity is, the drug bleomycin that he has been getting every Tuesday can cause permanant damages to your lungs, and they are concerened that Eric may be at the max amount that he can be given without causing damages. But because of how sick Eric was, he wasn't able to do the test. Tomorrow morning I'll have to take him to have that done, as he has to complete it before Tuesday so they can know if they are okay to give him a final dose of this chemo. I am hoping that he will be feeling well enough to get out of bed in the morning and make it to the hospital to do this. Then on Tuesday once we have the results from the test, he will have the final dose of chemo.
  Later in the week we have his CT scan scheduled to check the progress of the cancer. This scan will help determine if  the RPLND surgery will be needed. We are praying our hearts out that he won't have to have this surgery. He is absolutely dreading this possibility. I can't imagine at this point how his body will be able to take it, but whatever the outcome I know that the Lord will strengthen him to do what is needed. I am anxious to hear what the next steps will be and hopeful that the chemo has been enough to kill the cancer. I can't wait for the day to see Eric functioning normal again and just to see him do everything that he wants to do.
  Last week before he started this round of chemo he recieved a priesthood blessing from one of our friends. In this blessing he was blessed with the ability to again be able to play with Kaizen, this was a very sacred moment for us. Eric has often looked at Kaizen and wished so badly that he could be on the ground playing with him and has been hard for him to just sit and watch. To hear this in his blessing was just another testament that our Heavenly Father is mindful of our desires. This isn't anything that anyone knew was bothering Eric except for me, and those words were spoken not by mistake, but as a witness in our home that our Savior is here. Our Father is hearing our prayers and continues to send his ministering angels to bear us up.
  Throughout these last few weeks a song keeps coming to my mind as I receive little bits of inspiration and confirmation from the Holy Ghost. It is the song I Feel My Saviors Love.

I feel my Saviors love in all the world around me
His spirit warms my soul through everything I see
He knows I will follow him give all my life to him
I feel my Saviors love, the love he freely gives me.

I have had small moments, that the spirit has come and witnessed to me that my Savior is here and loves me. That he is mindful of my needs, and continues to administer to me through the service of others. He is the creator of all things, of life itself, and of me. As a parent you get a small glimpse of what joy it is to create life, and with that joy comes a great love. A love that cannot be explained like any other. I know that my Father in Heaven loves me and loves Eric his son. We have much to learn in this life to one day obtain our goal to become like him. I stand ready and listening and asking for his help to become the daughter he sees in me.