Desperate

   This last week has been another week of hard news. The scan that Eric had completed revealed that there is still a mass in his lymph node. We met with the urologist at Huntsman on Tuesday, and he confirmed that surgery is needed.  It has shrunk about 50% from the original scan, but at this point they do need to remove any lymph nodes that are still showing signs of the disease. His surgery is scheduled for August 15th. This is a massive surgery, the incision will start at his chest and follow down the center of his abdomen below his belt line. They pretty much have to take out all of your intensines and organs in order to get to the lymph nodes as they lay along your spine. The doctor said that the surgery can take anywhere from 6-20 hours. He does not expect it to go much longer then 6 hours, he feels that Eric's situation is pretty straight forward and there shouldn't be very many complications. He will go into the area and dissect any of the tissue that shows signs of cancer. Once everything has been removed they will complete a biopsy on the tissue/tumor to determine what type of cancer it is that is left. They said that there is about a 30% chance that it could be dead tissue, 40% chance that it is teratoma cancer (which cannot be killed by chemo) and a 30% chance that it could be other types of cancer. If it is anyother type of cancer besides teratoma, he will have to do further chemo after the surgery. This of course would not be a good thing as at this point they would have to give him a very high potent chemo drug.
   One of the major areas of concern with this surgery that is hard to preserve, is the nerves that function your ejaculation. The nerves are intertwined in the area that they will have to remove tissue from and get through to remove the cancer. The doctor felt that he will likely be able to preserve the right side of his nerves, but was not very confident in the left side. He just simply said that they would do their best, but unfortunatley it is one area they they cannot make any guarantees. Another area of concern is the kidney, the placement of these lymph nodes is near the kidney and sometimes that organ can be damaged during the surgery. He did not feel that there was much concern in Eric's situation as the tumor is not very big, so he didn't think this was a real area of concern for Eric, but he mentioned as there can be problems.
  Recovery from this is going to be a long process. He will be in the hospital for about 5-7 days. They have to starve you for a few days until you show signs that your bowels are functioning. Once he is showing signs that they are working they will then slowly allow you to eat to make sure everything is in working order. They will give him an epidural for pain management for a few days after the surgery. Then once released from the hospital it can take about 6 weeks until you are starting to feel somewhat normal, and full recovery is about 3 months.
   This whole situation begins to get a little more frightening each day. You wonder what the future holds, and if this is what life is going to continue to bring. We overcome one thing that is expected to take care of the cancer only to learn that something else is needed. Our doctor is confident that we are continuing on the right steps to overcome this, and told Eric that he expects him to live a long life. The most frightening thing that he said is that if in fact it is teratoma cancer and it isn't removed in a timely manner that it can morph into other types of cancer, and he said quite frankly that those patients die. To know that you are potentially one step away from this possibility is not a comforting thought. I am not focusing on these thoughts, but am remembering the blessings that he has received and the peace that I feel in knowing that he will overcome this. I have faith that the surgeons hands will be guided and he will be able to remove the cancer with little complications or further damages. I know that this is going to be a hard thing to witness, to sit by quietly and continue to watch the pain and suffering that Eric bares. With nothing more to offer then my love and support for him. Wishing at some point that I could take his place and give him a break from his pain, and at the same moment being reminded that there is already one that has felt his pain and suffering. And I can be an instrument in his hands to aid Eric through this. My prayer today is that I can be trusted and capable to do exactly that.