Day 4

   Today has been a pretty good day. We woke up early again, got ready and headed out the door to the doctors for day 4 of chemo. I was sad that I didn't get to say goodbye to Kaizen this morning, he was still asleep when we left. Today was a little harder for me to sit and watch. Eric is already getting weaker, and he just looked really down. I have tried asking him if he is okay, and he keeps telling me that he is just tired. It is hard for me to sit and watch him going through all of this, our life has changed so darastically over thist last month, and especially this last week. I would have never thought we would be spending our days sitting at a doctors office for 4-6 hours every day.
    I have tried really hard to be positive, but today I noticed little thoughts trying to get into my head that I had to really think hard to get keep them out. Your mind is a powerful thing, and I don't want my hope to turn into fear. Last night I did a really stupid thing, I read further about Eric's stage of cancer. I keep telling myself that I don't care about the statistics and that all I would focus on is the fact that it is curable. But I did some reading, and it just hit me really hard that at his stage it is 70% curable. I know that we will get through this, I really do feel that...but just that knowledge is a scary thing. So as I sat and watched my sweet husband sitting in his chair, hooked up to an IV that is slowly dripping into his veins, all I tried to focus on was that with each drop it is killing the cancer cells. One by one they will be taken out. I have put so much trust in these doctors and nurses to make the correct choices to do exactly that, and I sit and hope. I hope that they will continue to know the correct things to do to cure my husband.
   When we got home Eric went up to rest. Kaizen was taking a nap, so Lorene and I snuck out to go run a few errands. When we got back, Kaizen was still snoozing...so I had to wait patiently for him to wake up. I was so excited to see the cute little guy. We have spent the night making dinner, went for a jog, and got back home to pay some bills. Eric has spent most of the time sleeping, but has been up now for a couple of hours. He is just exhausted, by tomorrow I am sure he will have had it for the week. But one more day and we'll get a rest for the weekend. What a week!